Close
Butternut Squash Ravioli.Photo: Jennifer Causey
Three years ago, I went through one of the roughest patches of my life. I was getting divorced. Moving out of my home. And things at my job as a food editor had come to a head and I ended up leaving that as well.
For the first time in 16 years, I was single. For the first time since age 13, I was unemployed. And one situation compounded the other as I was hit with the sudden, crushing knowledge that I was solely responsible for myself and two kids, one about to enter college and one still in diapers. I didn’t know what I was going to do. So I made ravioli.
I ate this insane feast alone in my kitchen, with no one to praise me—or to complain. The next day, I made another dish. And another.Rogan josh,an Indian lamb curry dish, served with homemade pita bread. I spent an entire evening perfecting the pleat on pork dumplings. I taught myself to make bagels and laminate dough, a rigorous process of folding butter into the layers until you have the perfect flaky consistency for croissants and other pastries. And I discovered how richly rewarding and gratifying it was to create again.
When you’re forced to make a big change, loss is what feels most acute at first, and for a long, long time. The lack of, the reduction. But a reduction, any chef will tell you, is crucial to bringing flavors to the forefront, to concentrating and distilling something to a better version of itself. Burn away everything else and what remains is what’s most essential.
I left so much behind in the last three years, but I don’t miss any of it. What I kept, while the pain and grief and self-doubt slowly evaporated, is what I treasure. And it is what will get me through the next time life’s circumstances take a dip toward the unstable. That’s what cooking really taught me. And it’s the only recipe I’ll ever need.
Jill Waldbieseris a Newton, Pennsylvania-based writer, editor and recipe developer.
Try her recipe for:Butternut Squash Ravioli
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!Tell us why!OtherSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
Tell us why!OtherSubmit
Tell us why!
